When it comes to sports, emotions can and usually do run high.  It's not uncommon to run the gamut from elation when your favorite team scores, to depression when they're slumping, to outright rage when calls are missed.  Now throw your child into the game, add a well-intentioned but imperfect adult dressed as a zebra, and shake vigorously with a perceived bias against your child / team...  and you end up with the youth sports version of a Molotov Cocktail!

In this situation, which parent do you become?  Are you the type of parent who can, in the words of the popular Disney flick,  "let it go"?  Or will you be the next YouTube star of shame?  Your emotions can quickly overwhelm you if you are not prepared.

Hockey seems to have it's fair share of crazy parent stories.  Conduct a quick internet search on the topic, and you're likely to decide that parents should stop drinking coffee in the morning and start taking sedatives.  "Now wait a minute!" you say, "it's only a few nut-jobs that have given the rest of us a bad name."  You're right, but even the most mellow of us can still have a bad day occasionally.

I must admit that there is one particular game that still bothers me.  It's a story as old as time... a tale of horrible calls, overly physical opponents and a lopsided score, only to find out afterward that one of the officials was a relative of one of the opposing teams players!  Talk about outrage!  I could literally feel my blood boiling as they giggled together in the lobby about the comical calls that were made. I wanted to lose it in the worst way!  Instead, I went to the car and steamed in private.  Did I mention this was THREE YEARS ago?

Let it go, Kelly!  Seriously!!

Check with almost any youth sport organization in the country and ask about their officiating, and most will tell you they don't have nearly enough.  They'll tell you about games that have been canceled because of the shortage.   They'll share stories about having to provide insurance for officials in cases of harm or property damage just to get qualified people to work their games.  Imagine officiating a game for 8-year-olds  and then coming out to your car to find your tires slashed.  Would you keep officiating after that?  Probably not. Now consider the coaches, parents, and even players who feel entitled to yell every derogatory comment they can think of at these officials. Yikes!

Now look at this situation like the adults we are (or are supposed to be), and you'll realize that most officials are doing the best they can. They sincerely act in the best interests of the kids and the game.  They want the kids to stay safe and have fun.  The officials are there on the ice because they deeply love the same sport that we are all so fanatically attached to.  Sure - most get paid to officiate, but I can tell you it is not much.  And given the hostile climate and vitriol that many have to deal with today, and it's no wonder why they are walking away in droves.

So what do we do?  Without officials, there are no games, no tournaments, no championships.  There will always be times when we don't agree with a call.  But does that mean we should we scream it from the rafters?  Put another way, will you also be following your grown child to work in the future to yell at his boss about how unfair you feel his job is?  Ridiculous!

Life doesn't always seem fair or go as planned, and our children need to learn to deal with adversity.  They need to develop the grit and tenacity necessary to stay focused when chaos is all around them.  They need to learn to depend on a team that will stay level-headed under pressure.  And it starts with us (the grown ups).  We must set the example.  We expect our children to shake hands with the officials and offer the opposing team a sincere "good game", no matter the outcome of the contest.  That's called 'sportsmanship'.  So when the refs come off the ice, shouldn't we as parents model that same expectation and thank them for their time?

A little planning and preparation goes a long way.  If your child's coach doesn't have a plan in place for when things go awry, help him or her develop one.  Send the right message at home and encourage respect for the officials regardless of the call.  Teach our kids that arguing with the official is both pointless and unacceptable.  As players, their job is to simply accept the call and move on with the game.

Take the time to open this dialogue with your players, your coaches, and your association... before we find ourselves with no officials and no hockey.

Kelly McGraw is the Treasurer of the South Indy Youth Hockey Association, the Queen of Rink Cleaning, and an obsessed but usually well-behaved Hockey Mom.  She also serves as a coach for the SIYHA Learn To Skate and Mini-Mite programs, and can frequently be found at the rink even when her son is not skating.